Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
