I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
