Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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