Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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