yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
