Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
