There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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