someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My balls are so social today.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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