her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
