weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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