Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
