I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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