Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize