i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
