So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
