Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's always time for handjobs
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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