Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
