if you like me you must not know who I am
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
