naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
