At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
