call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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