so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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