i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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