Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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