we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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