trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
