Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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