a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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