I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
