My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
