I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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