i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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