i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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