Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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