god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
