hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
