Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
