pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize