He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
