In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
