It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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