you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
