Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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