I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
pop tarts are not kleenex
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
