You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
