No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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