sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
