Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize