consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
