lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
