??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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