so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
