it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
