Umm I'm too high to move.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
