Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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