Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
