So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
