ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
