Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
