Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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