I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
