If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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