Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
