So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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