I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
