just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
