Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
