but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize