I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
