puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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