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Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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