The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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